I have recently broke off a very important friendship in my life. For a good and justified reason, things could not have continued the way they were. But now that I have done what was necessary, I can't help but feel this constant sickening sense of loss.
I have lost a friend.
When I think about it I realize that labeling a person as 'a friend' makes the relationship seem so much more insignificant than it actually is. When you aren't close to a person who you once considered a friend, you have lost so much more than just the person. You lose a teacher, mentor, role model, challenger, fellow conspirator, confidant..... moral support, emotional support. The list goes on. Sometimes, you don't even know who you are without them.
Losing a friend is not like losing any other thing. Its more painful... and yet so much more comforting. A broken friendship is like losing a part of oneself. But at the same time, when we lose a friend we also get to keep a lot of them with us. We are not the same person as who we would be if we had never known them. As the famous saying goes, "It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." I am a firm believer of this concept. When we offer our hearts and minds to another in exchange for a totally new perspective and different idea's then we gain so much more than we stand to lose.
So, although not being friends anymore saddens me to distraction, I feel glad to have known someone so special and to have deserved their attention, affection, and goodwill.
