Good Vs Evil

In movies, somehow, good always triumphs over evil. But in reality, this isn't so. Why is it that bad things happen to good people, and the bad people prosper? Why does one person sacrifice their entire world for something they believe in, and yet others are more than willing to change in order to stay comfortable. What gives them the right to nullify the self sacrifice of those who suffer in this world?

...Everything

This is why the human race is so powerful.

Every person born into this world- different but equal, has free will. He chooses his own path and walks it for as long as he lives. A person has the G-d given right to choose good over evil or evil over good.

I find myself saying to many people recently that I don't believe in the sage old saying, "Good things happen to good people". We see all around us bad people getting everything that they want... and we see good people going through earth shattering tragedies. If doing the wrong thing is not only more fun and exciting but also more prosperous, than why would anyone want to be good?

Recently I had ta major struggle with this question. It went a little deeper trhan just that.

My question was not just "why choose good", it was "why choose good when the people around you think that you are evil?"

If everyone thinks a person is a thief then its very easy for the person to tell themself that, for them, being good doesn't make any difference. 'I'm still a theif in their eyes.' He/she may be so hurt and under so much pressure that he/she simply chooses to live up to everyone's expectations of him.

So I was going through a bit of a life crisis which forced me to think about this question long and hard. Although i knew the answer all along I wasn't able to ready accept and internalize it until it hit me in the face.

The way I see it; One who does good only does it for one reason- because he or she believes that there is a greater purpose in this world. Whether or not they believe in G-d is irrelevant. But without a grain of uncertainty they believe that there is a some reason that they are doing what they do, something they gain from it.

Even if that purpose is as mundane as finding pleasure in the hapiness and affection of another. For doing evil can only be a product of pure selfishness.

I personally believe that there is a G-d. For one who believes in G-d the answer is obvious.

Who cares what everyone esle thinks? G-d see's everything and that's all that matters.

The problem with believers is that they don't always believe as much as they think they do... mainly b/c there is not an immediate comforting reaction.

We can't see G-d nod His head in approval..

we can't feel Him put his hand on our shoulder, or whisper encouraging words in our ear.

He doesn't apear and give us a big hug and then tell us how proud He is with all we are striving for.

We can't see Him smile, or hear the words " I love you, my child".

Its hard for any type of person to internalize something they can't see. I guess I was lucky that the realization of G-d's love did hit me in the face just a few days later in a most interesting way. With this realization also came the appreciation of all the unusual and abundant love I constanly feel from the people around me. It was as if my eyes had been opened and the mist totally cleared from my vision. I could see how trully blessed i am.

That caused me to look around and reassess my question.

What i discovered was simple but sometimes easy to overlook. The people who choose evil, wrong, pain, fear, lies, deception... they may get everything they want sometimes but they will never have what i have- Love.

Money, fame, power- they all fade and a person who once gloried in them, is left to feel alone and meaningless.

Because friends can't be bought, as soon as the money runs out they are gone.

Power corrupts and Fame misleads.

These people, end up with no one. They never get to feel true love.

True love lasts but it takes commitment and sometimes a bit of maintenance. It takes caring about the people around you and stepping outside of yourself. It takes loving somebody and then keeping your heart open to feeling loved in return.

So essentially the answer to the question is; being good is not just about scoring brownie points in heaven- its about paving the way for G-d to give you everything that really matters. A priceless and irreplacable gift.

Personally, I've decided to embrace it.

Be good and be loved. I think that's a fair trade :)

Esdee Kay

Nothingness

Today I took a walk. It was a bit of a long walk… on which I contemplated the emptiness that has been taking over my life. I haven’t felt anything in weeks. The numbness is strange to me. I feel not angry, resentful, happy, sad, excited, fulfilled, relieved, anxious… nothing. Just- nothing. A flat line. I am flat-lining, plunging into a pit of nothingness. Everywhere I look is empty.

I know not who I am, or where I’m going, what I’m looking for nor what I want.

And yet- somehow, deep deep down, I know that this feeling of emptiness is a façade. It doesn’t exist… I have family, true friends, religion, goals, dreams, wants, needs. So this so-called ‘nothingness’ is merely a figment of my imagination, a mirage that my mind has conjured up to hide something else.

And although I don’t know for sure what that thing is… I have some ideas.

Potential and Self Worth

There are many people in this world whom I, at times, fancy murdering. But there is only one person I could get… that their death would put a stop to all the pain.

Both an enemy… and a friend.

An ally….. and a terrorist.

I’m talking about me.

We are each our own worst enemies. We tear ourselves to ribbons with self doubt, poor self image, bad self esteem, phobia’s, fears of the unknown, new, or un-attempted…. and then when we’ve left ourselves nothing but a shell of who we could be- and afterward we walk away, resigned to a fate we subconsciously choose over the responsibility of greatness. We leave for ourselves the internal death of our glorious potentials, never even knowing that we had it.

And subsequently not knowing that we have the ability to restore what was.

On Losing a Friend

"Friendships break... They never die. They just change shape through changing eyes." Kineret

I have recently broke off a very important friendship in my life. For a good and justified reason, things could not have continued the way they were. But now that I have done what was necessary, I can't help but feel this constant sickening sense of loss.

I have lost a friend.

When I think about it I realize that labeling a person as 'a friend' makes the relationship seem so much more insignificant than it actually is. When you aren't close to a person who you once considered a friend, you have lost so much more than just the person. You lose a teacher, mentor, role model, challenger, fellow conspirator, confidant..... moral support, emotional support. The list goes on. Sometimes, you don't even know who you are without them.

Losing a friend is not like losing any other thing. Its more painful... and yet so much more comforting. A broken friendship is like losing a part of oneself. But at the same time, when we lose a friend we also get to keep a lot of them with us. We are not the same person as who we would be if we had never known them. As the famous saying goes, "It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all." I am a firm believer of this concept. When we offer our hearts and minds to another in exchange for a totally new perspective and different idea's then we gain so much more than we stand to lose.

So, although not being friends anymore saddens me to distraction, I feel glad to have known someone so special and to have deserved their attention, affection, and goodwill.

Conquering the Darkness

In dark of night
In shadows keep
How bright this light does shine
It casts a glow
That chase away
The troubled hearts confine

The sun is up
Its colors stretch
Until each hill of gold
And as it does
Bring warmth upon
The floor of forest cold

Its time, it leaves
Recedes behind
Horizons vast expanse
And though its gone
I yet have hope
So grabbed a fleeting chance

I know tonight
The shadows flee
They do not dare to start
For in this dark
I keep a drop
Of light inside my heart

Esdee Kay

I wrote this about love, but it goes for any situation in life.
When we are in the dark about something, its as if the shadows are closing in on us and its hard to feel good about the world because all we see is the darkness that surrounds us.
But there are ups and downs in life. Every time life is about to plunge us back into the darkness, we have the choice to seize that chance.
To grab a bit of light to take back with us. That way our world will never be completely black.
Internal light is so powerful only because nobody can take it away from us unless we let them.

The power is ours to wield if only we reach out and take it.

Jack Johnson - Better Together

My Knight in Shining Armor

Who are you- my love? Are you a knight in shining armor or just a man wearing my personalized suit… ill fitted and forced upon your proud shoulders; that burst forth to swallow a doubtful heart?

If you’ll only open my eyes, for I am blinded by the stunning reflection of the sun across your gleaming mail. How can I see clearly when you obviously maintain and polish this image- not take it back surely! For even if I had wanted to, even to the point of sullying mine own honor- how could my raging heart, that beats wildly within my breast, continue to pump the life sustaining hot blood of love that alone pulses through my very veins?

For just as my knight is merely just a man that bears the illusion of mine suffering mind, I am but a sham wrapped around the network of love that depends upon that very illusion to give life. So perhaps, if we are both depending upon the very same suit of armor to cast ourselves out of the darkness, than we two are truly of a sole mind and can therefore bear the suit successfully… as one.