Nothingness

Today I took a walk. It was a bit of a long walk… on which I contemplated the emptiness that has been taking over my life. I haven’t felt anything in weeks. The numbness is strange to me. I feel not angry, resentful, happy, sad, excited, fulfilled, relieved, anxious… nothing. Just- nothing. A flat line. I am flat-lining, plunging into a pit of nothingness. Everywhere I look is empty.

I know not who I am, or where I’m going, what I’m looking for nor what I want.

And yet- somehow, deep deep down, I know that this feeling of emptiness is a façade. It doesn’t exist… I have family, true friends, religion, goals, dreams, wants, needs. So this so-called ‘nothingness’ is merely a figment of my imagination, a mirage that my mind has conjured up to hide something else.

And although I don’t know for sure what that thing is… I have some ideas.

Potential and Self Worth

There are many people in this world whom I, at times, fancy murdering. But there is only one person I could get… that their death would put a stop to all the pain.

Both an enemy… and a friend.

An ally….. and a terrorist.

I’m talking about me.

We are each our own worst enemies. We tear ourselves to ribbons with self doubt, poor self image, bad self esteem, phobia’s, fears of the unknown, new, or un-attempted…. and then when we’ve left ourselves nothing but a shell of who we could be- and afterward we walk away, resigned to a fate we subconsciously choose over the responsibility of greatness. We leave for ourselves the internal death of our glorious potentials, never even knowing that we had it.

And subsequently not knowing that we have the ability to restore what was.